PRAY|THE|REVOLUTION

“21 Weeks”
In Loving Memory of Livi Hannah-Joy Burton

Our baby girl was stillborn on July 10, 2008.

Through my blog entries and journaling, allow me to share with you the miracle of Livi’s 21 weeks.

March 6, 2008
I found out today that I’m pregnant.  This morning, I took this test:

March 24, 2008
The nurse prayed (silently) before starting the ultrasound. She found the yolk sac, which she said was just what she wanted to see. Then she said, “If you hold really still and look really closely, you can see your baby’s heartbeat.”

March 26, 2008
Yesterday, I told my mom about the baby.   I said, “Well, I’m pregnant.” There was silence for a few seconds, and then, my mom started crying and said, “Praise the Lord!”

April 10, 2008
I had a wonderful doctor’s appointment on Monday! The office is small and personal, and everyone is so friendly. The doctor was fabulous, very caring and compassionate.  He gave me an ultrasound and we saw the little baby, measuring 18 mm (8W) with a strong heartbeat.

April 21, 2008
I had another ultrasound today. Everything looks great! I am so relieved. The baby now measures ahead at 37mm, 10W4D!  The baby had its hands up by his/her face and was moving arms, legs and body, just so cute!  I am so excited about this little one, and the reality of a new baby is starting to set in. I see the perinatalogist in a couple of weeks for a genetic consult and a level II ultrasound. So far, so good. Thank you, God!

April 29, 2008
There have been times when I thought I’d heard the baby’s heartbeat using my Doppler, but I was never really sure. Just now, I am SURE I heard it. It was beautiful! I listened for awhile. Hooray!  My baby is alive, and I’ll be 12 weeks on Friday!!!!

May 7, 2008
I can’t believe I am almost in the second trimester! I am so excited! I listen to the baby’s heartbeat nearly every day. It’s really easy to find now.

June 3, 2008
I asked the doctor if he could do an ultrasound since John hadn’t seen the baby, yet, and he said, “Oh, sure,” and pulled out the machine. John said it was really amazing how clearly you could make everything out.  The baby had one arm over his/her head and the other hand was in or near the mouth. We saw face, body, arms, legs, hands, feet. We still don’t know whether this is a boy or a girl.

The baby must have been in the right position for me to feel movement the other day because I felt good movement for two hours straight.

June 26, 2008
I had my 20-week ultrasound today. I am having a little girl. I cried when the doctor told me, tears of joy, I couldn’t believe it. But then he told me that he is very concerned. While 6 weeks ago, she was measuring right on target, her body is now measuring a week or so behind and her head is measuring nearly 2.5 weeks behind.  For now, I am on modified bed rest. If she continues to fall behind, they may hospitalize me at 24 weeks because there is the potential at that point that they could save her if she had to be born.

Of course, the hope is that in 3 weeks, she will have caught up in growth. I am taking this to prayer. God help us! This is not what we expected.

Little baby girl, please hang in there and grow strong. Mommy so wants to bring you home in a few more months. I want to buy you clothes and paint your room pink. I want to do mom/daughter things with you, and one day, I want to support you through your own pregnancy. Please, baby, please, stay with us….

June 29, 2008
Last night while perusing baby names, the only one that John and I agreed on was Livi. We had basically settled on the name before I even researched its meaning. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that Livi means life and peace, the very things we have been praying over her the last couple of days.

July 4, 2008
I am 21 weeks today!  I am definitely feeling more movement these days, which is really a relief.  It’s still not very strong but it’s enough that I know that Livi is okay in there.

The nurse from the office where I get my regular prenatal care called yesterday to see how I was doing. She’d gotten the report from the peri and wanted to let me know that all the staff at their office would be praying for my baby. I thought that was really sweet.

July 5, 2008
I heard Livi’s heartbeat yesterday morning. It was strong, as always. Late last night, I tried to find it. I searched for 45 minutes and couldn’t get it. I called the on-call doc and was told to go to the hospital to get checked. The nurse tried for 45 minutes to get a h/b on her monitor and couldn’t. Finally, she brought in the u/s machine. Livi was very still. The doctor, nurse and I all thought we saw her heart just barely flickering but it was very, very slow. They got another doc to come do an ultrasound, and by that time, her heart was not beating at all.

They wanted me to be admitted right away to be induced, but I asked for a few days. I will see my regular doc on Monday to discuss it with him then. Meanwhile, we are gathering people to pray and ask God for a miracle.

My little girl…my sweet, precious Livi….

July 8, 2008
Saturday morning, I sat in the recliner, having just arrived home from the hospital a few hours earlier. On my computer, I was watching testimonies of people who had been raised from the dead as part of the Florida outpouring. I felt so impressed to go that we left for the airport 30 minutes later. Sounds crazy, I know!

In our absence, a prayer chain commenced at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. Within hours, our church family (of about 4,000 people) was praying for Livi.

We arrived in Orlando at about 7:45 p.m. and walked into the revival service at about 9:30. Right before, the pastor had been sharing his testimony. “See that girl,” he said, asking his daughter to stand. “She was dead in her mother’s womb!” His daughter was an ectopic pregnancy and had died in the tube. Miraculously, she was transplanted into the uterus and her heart began to beat again. She is now a beautiful young lady. The pastor said this the minute before we walked through the door.

A friend of a friend was waiting for us and quickly escorted us to the front. He told the ministry team, “Her baby is dead in her womb. We need to pray that God will wake this baby up.” Soon, I was taken on stage, and I will never forget the roar of the crowd (about 9,000 people) as they agreed in prayer as the pastor declared, “This baby will live! This baby will live! This baby will live!” All the while, his daughter, who herself had been dead in the womb, had her hand on my stomach, praying. This was broadcast around the world via God TV.

We attended the services Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights. I can’t even begin to describe the kindness and humility of the leadership. We spent the majority of our time backstage receiving prayer, countless people weeping, contending for life for Livi.

PRAYER VIDEO FROM GOD.TV:

Meanwhile, back at home at the International House of Prayer, prayers for Livi were continuing.  On one occasion, the worship team and the entire prayer room were singing, “Livi, you will be a sign and a wonder, we prophecy.” This was also broadcast around the world via IHOP’s live webstream.

A member of our staff told us yesterday that he estimates that there are about a million people praying for Livi. Wow! I still have not heard a heartbeat on my Doppler, but whatever happens, I am humbled, amazed and overwhelmed at the outpouring of love, prayer and support for our family, for Livi specifically.

I spoke to my doctor yesterday and scheduled an induction for Thursday morning. We felt that we needed to establish a timeline, but we will be contending for life until the last possible minute.

July 9, 2008-written for Livi by a friend, who is a musician with Radiant Worship, sung over her on July 9, the night before her birth

Livi’s Prayer

Before you were born, I knew you.
Before you were formed, I spoke to you.

I said live, I said live, I said live and prophesy.

In your mother’s womb, I saw you
Beautifully and wonderfully made

And My glory shines around you
And I, your Father God, speak about you.

I say live, I say live, you shall truly live not die.
I say live, I say live, I say live and prophesy.

You’ll speak to a generation yet to be created
of the praises of the Son,
for whom the earth has waited.
For the release of the prisoners and the captives set free,
And to those appointed to death He brings liberty!

We say live, we say live, we say truly live and not die.
We say live, we say live, we say live and prophesy.

July 10, 2008
We are getting ready to leave for the hospital. Today is induction day. We have not stopped praying for Livi. Until she is delivered, we will be crying out for a miracle. I can’t explain why I have felt so impressed to contend for her life. I cannot let go of this until I know it is over. I did not experience this with any of the other babies. Whatever happens, I know I am doing what I am supposed to do.

We had another ultrasound on Tuesday, and Livi was lifeless. She now has edema.  At this point, we are asking God for more than a beating heart. We need a creative miracle.

We had another prayer meeting last night at the International House of Prayer. The place was packed. I didn’t even know most of the people there. They had heard our story and had come to pray for Livi. It really was an amazing night. At one point, all these little children gathered around me, put their hands on my belly and prayed. Wow! These kids interceded, prophesied and quoted Scripture powerfully! They were so young, yet so amazingly mature. I’ve never seen anything like it.

I am strangely at peace today, although nervous about the process.  My doctor expects labor to be LONG.

July 11, 2008
Livi Hannah-Joy was born to heaven at 7:20 p.m. on July 10, 2008.  She weighed 7.5 ounces and was 9.5 inches long.

We called the photographer from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. She was wonderful! She spoke to Livi so gently, “Sweet little girl, I’m going to take pictures of you.” She took many photos, some of which are very tasteful that we should be able to use at the memorial service, such as her hand grasping my finger, her foot inside my wedding band, etc.

The nurse got us an absolutely beautiful set of handprints and footprints. They are so little but so perfect!

Parker really wanted to see Livi. We tried to discourage it because of the edema, but he was insistent. Amanda brought him to the hospital, and while we could tell he was shocked, at first, he quickly adjusted and wanted to touch her arm, her foot, etc. Skylar didn’t want to see all of her, but we covered her completely and just showed him her amazing, tiny, but very perfect foot. Sklyar said, “Awww. Look at that!” He was amazed and reached out and touched the bottom of it with such tenderness. My boys are good big brothers!

My dear friend Amanda, who lost her twins last year, also took a good look at a Livi. I had warned her that she would be difficult to look at but Amanda exclaimed, “I don’t think she’s hard to look at at all, Amy! She is precious!” Then, she spoke to Livi in such a loving voice, the voice of one who has experienced deep loss and has been forever changed by it. How blessed I am to have a friend like this!

MO state law requires that all stillborn babies past 20 weeks be taken to a funeral home for cremation or burial. Amanda recommended one that I will call in the morning. We have said our goodbyes, and Livi is now downstairs in the morgue. Just writing that statement has me in tears. The fact that we are now apart after these many weeks together has me heartbroken.

We have already begun receiving many testimonies from people who have been forever changed by Livi, who will never be the same due to the events of the last 5 days. Here is an example:

“While saddened Livi is not with us here on Earth, I rejoice in her life before the Father in Heaven! I am so deeply touched and forever changed by standing with you in prayer for Livi…. The fullness of what the Father has done through all this is yet to be discovered, but I KNOW IT WILL IMPACT MILLIONS!”

Of course, we ourselves have been eternally changed by Livi’s short life, and I will never regret our decision to contend for her these last 5 days.  It only took Livi 21 weeks to do what most people are unable to do in a lifetime.  She literally touched the hearts of a million people.  More importantly, she touched the heart of this mother. Goodbye my sweet little girl, until we meet again….

July 17, 2008-read at Livi’s memorial service

It would be impossible to fully recount the many ways that Livi touched my life in her short 21 weeks. What joy I experienced as I listened to her quickly beating heart, watched her silly ultrasound antics and heard the doctor announce, “It’s a girl!” And what sorrow I endured as the pronouncement of “fetal death” rang in my ears!

However, it was that disheartening pronouncement that spurred me to contend as never before and that initiated an impartation of faith like none I have ever known. Even more amazing was the fact that countless Christians stood with us in prayer for Livi, asking and believing for life. I am aware that many of you may be discouraged that the miracle that we so thoroughly believed would happen, did not.

As Livi’s mother, I want to give you my perspective on this matter. I will most certainly grieve for Livi. Grief is a natural, healthy response to loss, and I have lost someone of great value. I want you to know, though, that in the days ahead, as I wade through sorrow and sadness, the joy of the Lord is my strength. As I ask questions that have no answers in this lifetime, His peace that passes all understanding surrounds me. And as I struggle with the disappointment that the answer to my prayers was different than expected, I rest in the knowledge that God can and does and will heal the sick and raise the dead.

Please do not stop contending: for life, for justice and for the return of our Savior. Your persistence in prayer for Livi has touched me more than you will ever know. While the fullness of the Father’s plan has yet to be realized, I know that it is great, and I am honored that he chose Livi to be a part of it.

LIVI’S MEMORIAL VIDEO:

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